“Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy!” — Ms. Frizzle, The Magic School Bus.
I grew up loving the crap out of that show. I learned so much! But, I have to admit, that phrase scares the hell out of me. I’m not sure why I internalized this fear of messing up to the point of inaction. My parents raised me in a safe environment and are very forgiving when it comes to messing up. Maybe it came from moving so much. While it instilled in me an ability to adapt quickly to new places and people, it also meant learning a whole new skill-set in a brand new environment all over again. It’s a scary thing to move to a new place, to start a new job, or try a new activity you have no experience with. The less time I spend in the noob-zone, the quicker I’m not a drain on anyone else’s resources. This process takes a lot of behind-the-scenes self-pep-talks, bad dreams, dread, reassurances, and self-reflection. I also tend to become overwhelmed by a much larger picture and can clearly see all the things that could go wrong rather than taking care of the smaller chunks that can be taken care of now.
This is why I have been inconsistent with the blog, have not resurrected my fictional blog, and why I really haven’t done any writing in general. It is an excuse, and I’m calling myself out on it. I would love to sell stories the people enjoy reading. I also feel better after I’ve written and feel crummy when I don’t. Not because I’m letting a readership down (I haven’t been consistent enough for quite some time to gain one), but because I find myself to be happier having written.
If you look back through my posts, you’ll see similar posts to this one. I’m happier writing but scared to do it. At least I’m consistent, yeah? Just because It’s not the first of the year is no excuse to wait until next year to start forming better habits for myself. People mess up when they are working to establish better habits for themselves; the cycles we find ourselves in are comfortable and contain issues that we are familiar with. Creating better habits may mean giving up something that you think makes you happy or feel better. We are habitual creatures who don’t like change in our environment. If our body temperatures change a couple of degrees, that can be dangerous. If our surrounding environment changes, we become stressed. It’s normally healthier for you to experience small changes in your routines and surroundings rather than a drastic one. Clean slates can feel great and can do wonders, but you can quickly regress back to your old habits.
I net-research the hell out of how to achieve my goals when I want to make a positive change. My fault is, I research to death and rarely put the process into action (or not for very long). Even if I tell a bunch of people around me what I intend to do, I’ve overcome the fear of disappointing them by not completing that goal.
The advice I am going to try for this time around is this:
Carve out 20 minutes in your day to learn something new.
Spend 20 minutes putting things away where they belong.
Spend 20 minutes in a week setting finances in order.
Make and follow through with your lists.
One of the best sites I’ve found for creating a livable space for yourself is UnfuckYourHabitat and their Tumblr page. The intent here is to avoid marathon-cleaning and encourage healthier habit-making as far as keeping your house in order. It also reminds you that those chores really don’t take as much time as you make it seem.
Another tool I should really utilize is Remember The Milk. Here, you can create the tasks you need to get done and set it up to send you reminders. You also get the satisfaction of checking off your completed tasks
Between these two websites, I will push to get more of the things completed that I want to do and less time stalling and steeping in worry that I’ll mess up.
Here’s to better habits and happier days!
Already this year, Buttface and I have created a joint savings account for our future with our left-over Christmas money. It’s not attached to any of our main accounts so it will be easier to leave alone. It was an exciting step in moving forward with our lives while we try to work our way out of debt and not put our own lives and dreams on hold. I’ve also been working on eating healthier.
And, if I mess up, I will not give up. I will not throw my hands up in failure. I will pick myself back up and keep moving forward.