Writer Blog

That’s Silly, Brain!

So according to my WordPress post, it’s been five months since I’ve posted anything! Woops!

Quite a bit has happened between wedding planning, promotion, and car shopping. Mainly, I’ve been working on changing my perspective when it comes to time and money. How can I do all the things I want to do when I’m so tired all of the time? How can we afford to do the things we want to do when we’re still hopping paycheck to paycheck? Oh, hey! We got a new car and will have an additional monthly payment? Great!

Before, that would have been a lot more crippling.

“Hey! We frivolously spend quite a bit every week without realizing it! If we can put that towards the car payment instead, it’s not so scary!” This realization has made the car-buying process (and insurance payments! eek!) a lot less scary. We’re investing most of our money into bills and loans, but as soon as those pieces get paid off, we’re going to start having a lot more for ourselves. We can have some stuff now, but we’ve got to decide what we really want and what can wait.

Time is the other factor I’ve been trying to figure out how to deal with. Until recently, a day off didn’t feel legitimate unless I had no obligations of any kind and I didn’t have to leave the apartment. I felt robbed of my vacation time if people wanted to make plans with me. On work days, I would sleep until I had to get up for work, rush out the door, work, come home, and get ready for bed. That kind of lifestyle didn’t leave much time for anything else that I might have wanted to do for me.

That can make quite the gloomy smog over one’s head. It makes you tired all of the time. Those glorious hours you have to yourself are spent worrying about all of the time you won’t have to yourself rather than enjoying the time you do have. That makes for a lot of days off that, “don’t count,” which is really a silly perspective to have. Plus, seeing people I care about almost always winds up being fun and great! Also, if I get up a little earlier on my work-days, I can play with my projects wee bits at a time. There’s no need to marathon these things to completion.

I recently caught myself feeling upset that I had to go to a 2-hour training on my day off for my transcription side job. In my head, my whole day off didn’t count because I had to ditch my pjs and go learn a new format for a job that will probably be phased out within the next several months. All it took was me saying, “that’s silly,” to snap myself out. Two hours out of an entire day certainly does not mean I can’t relax. It also doesn’t mean it was a failed day-off. I would spend so much time resenting the fact that I had to take a little time out of my me-day that I wouldn’t enjoy the copious amounts of actual me-time I had. I was fully aware that I was doing it, but was too grumbly to adjust my focus.

It’s crazy how much just saying out loud, “that’s silly,” can snap you out of a funk.

Then there’s my brain-monster. There are a lot of personal projects that I would like to complete. When I want to start on them, my brain swamps me with the “big picture” of all the stuff my projects would entail, including potential roadblocks and failures. It’s enough to stop me dead in my tracks and then I feel like I have to solve all the problems before I can even get started. That’s silly, brain. Just do little bits at a time and you’ll get there.

See? Why, just now I’ve completed something! It’s a little disjointed, but I’ll allow it.



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